The Woes of the Western Woman in Japan

Text: Antonia McLAUGHLIN (New Zealand)

The ‘western woman’ – what does that mean? I am often referred to as one although technically I am a little too antipodean to actually be named as western. New Zealand is definitely not west of Japan, in fact it couldn’t be further from it. I am also often mistaken for being American and I guess it’s the white thing.

That does not really bother me, most things don’t, and living in Japan has been for me for the most part a truly interesting, stimulating, albeit sometimes frustrating ride. Living in Japan, and especially Tokyo has been very easy overall, something that many a fellow foreigner has concurred on. Japan is an easy place to live, work and travel around in, and is generally speaking a damn sight safer than the majority of other countries.

With living anywhere outside of one’s home country there are always trials and tribulations coupled with the delights and pleasures of being somewhere so new and different, and in the case of Japan perhaps there is nowhere else that resembles it in the slightest, it had been cut off from the rest of the world and so thus remained homogenous for thousands of years. But what is specific to living here as a foreign woman and how does that present difficulties?

For me personally, the biggest problem I had when I first came here was trying to buy clothes. Most clothing stores here do not cater to the larger lady, especially the foreign larger lady, and trying in particular to buy women’s shoes here was simply impossible when I first arrived. Being 5’10” (178cm) and having the correspondingly sized feet, girly shoes were simply out of the question; that was however until I found with wonderful relief through a Japanese friend, the delightful world of Tulsa Time – a shoe shop that caters to the larger-footed lady and has women’s dress and casual shoes going up to size 28.

The other main problem was shirts and brassieres. The shirts were oftentimes too short in the sleeves, and there simply was not enough room in the bust area to really allow for a bust. The baffling thing about a lot of brassieres in Japan is that even in the largest sizes they are padded – what is that all about? If a woman is already bountiful in those particular feminine proportions, why on earth would she want or need to add to it? I am, as previously mentioned, somewhat taller than the average Japanese woman – and Japanese man for that matter – and am in relative proportion, but even I cannot find a Japanese brassiere that fits.

While a large number of foreign men at home are merely average or indeed below average when it comes to the successful world of women and dating, upon landing in the world of Japan they instantly become sexy stud muffins and Japanese women flock to them in droves. They are soon then from their arrival (one to two days maximum) to be seen with a young(er) highly attractive and equally fashionable Japanese woman, the new girlfriend.

Foreign women here struggle to compete with their much smaller Japanese equivalents. When I first came here I felt like a giant hippopotamus but luckily soon I got over myself, and Japanese men in comparison seem either scared of the foreign lady (well let’s face it, many of them tower over the poor chaps), or disinterested in such a larger-than-life girl. From a foreign woman’s point of view, Japanese men, while cool, trendy and good-looking with fabulous hair are, compared to the boys back home, sometimes a little too trendy and fashionable, and let’s also face it – how many women enjoy being with a man who is shorter, slimmer or prettier than they are?

Sex and size aside, there is a perception that some foreign female friends have commented on, that foreign women here are also expected to act and behave just as Japanese women do. Whether it be working with a Japanese boss, or dealing with students, colleagues or clients, the expectations or lack of expectations can be frustrating and irksome. I have been in several situations where I have had to act or perform in a particular girly/kawaii (or other) way, which really is not my style, but I have grinned and bore it anyway.

I have been to family homes and seen the demure and subservient way that the wife and daughter react to the husband and father of the home but did not and do not follow suit. My relationship with my father and with men in general is one full of respect and in regards to my father deep love, but I am not his maid nor subordinate.

Problems and annoyances aside, for the average foreign woman like me, she is here because she wants to be. Someone once said that if you can’t take the heat, then get out of the kitchen. There is nothing more irritating and inane than a foreigner living in Japan who continues to negatively and incessantly criticize Japan and its people.

That to me is such a hypocritical waste of time and energy, if you don’t like or love living here, the latter being my case, then leave – no one is stopping you. Japan is a truly unique, fascinating and beautiful place to live in, full of daily delights and experiences, and for the majority of foreigners and foreign women alike I am certain that they see things in a similar fashion.

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