New Facility to Prevent Sex Crimes for Public Officials Opens

*Hiragana Times CIA(Cynically Insulting Agency)

Lately, the number of sex crimes including molesting and peeping that have been committed by public officials including policemen, teachers and civil servants has been increasing. Hiragana Times has recently obtained information that a facility to prevent sex crimes for public officials is going to be discretely opened in Tokyo early next year. This facility will be run by an extra-departmental organization. To learn more, Hiragana Times interviewed the manager, TAKAI Mamoru.

CIA: What kind of facility is this?

Mgr.: There are many public officials who have spent their youth doing nothing besides studying, and even after they started their careers, their jobs have not allowed them to have fun and socialize at places such as bars and entertainment and amusement establishments. Subsequently, they begin to lose control of their sex drive and occasionally do commit crimes such as molesting. Government offices have to do their utmost to prevent these kinds of crimes. We believe it is absolutely necessary to train these people to prevent crimes like these.

CIA: Actually, what kind of training will you provide?

Mgr.: The facility will contain sufficient activities that will discharge the sexual impulses of all the public officials that attend. For example, there is a Molester Room containing an accurate replica of a train in which many hostesses disguised as office ladies will be hired to work. In this room, public officials will be able to enjoy touching the hostesses’ bodies as they like. Also, there is a set of stairs in the Peeping Room in which hostesses disguised as high school students wearing mini skirts will be walking up and down the stairs. The public officials will all be free to enjoy peeping using mirrors and cameras. This facility has been built based on the actual sex crimes committed by public officials.

CIA: Frankly speaking, isn’t this a kind of “pink salon” for public officials?

Mgr.: Some people do look at it like that, but this perception is incorrect. This is an epoch-making facility that will act as a vent for these workers by allowing them to actually experience various sex crimes, discharge their sexual impulses and prevent them from commiting sex crimes such as molesting, peeping, underwear stealing, stalking and so on in real life. By providing this facility, we believe the number of sex crimes committed by public officials will be greatly reduced.

CIA: How much will it cost to use this facility each time?

Mgr.: About 50,000 yen.

CIA: That much? Well then, only a small number of people will be able to afford it, won’t they?

Mgr.: Since we have to make the trains and stairs as realistic as possible, and also to enable us to provide the hostesses with suitable office lady and high school student costumes, this fee will be necessary. But, don’t worry about it. As it will be a compulsory part of public officials’ education, the cost will be covered by public money. We have already received bookings from many government departments and we are fully booked for the first three months. Public officials will definitely carry out their jobs for citizens with refreshed minds after this training. Ha, ha, ha …

Comment from CIA/
We heard that a facility for public officials is to be converted into this training facility, in order to avoid catching the attention of the public. When they use the term “public money,” they mean our taxes. In the past, civil servants visiting hostess bars under the guise of “having a conference” caused a big public stir, but now they have changed their strategy and called it an “educational training fee.” How clever those Japanese government officials are! But it is a mystery why they can’t make the best use of their abilities in their jobs …!

*Hiragana Times CIA(Cynically Insulting Agency)

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