Happiness is a Daily Decision

Andrew MATTHEWS

Happiness has been described as being as fleeting as a leaf flying about in the wind - easy to see, but difficult to catch. Just what is happiness anyway? And how can we find it? One man who holds some of the keys to unlock the secrets of happiness is Australian writer Andrew MATTHEWS.

"Happiness is about your attitude," says the best-selling author, cartoonist and motivational speaker. Andrew is an expert on the topic of happiness and the more than 4 million copies of his books that include "Being Happy!," "Making Friends" and “Follow Your Heart" that have been translated into 33 languages and sold in 60 countries, is testament to this.

Andrew's books have fans in many unexpected places such as Mexico, China, Malaysia, Hungary, Singapore and South Korea. Why does he think his books are so popular? "People say that they can relate to the books, that they are simple, humorous, and that people can see themselves reflected in the books. They are not just about theory or some elevated psychology."

Andrew has appeared in more than 3,000 radio and TV programs on 4 continents. He delivers seminars and keynote speeches to major companies worldwide including Kodak, Fujitsu, Coca Cola and Toshiba, and more than 1 million people have attended his presentations. Andrew's talent lies in the clever way he blends cartoons, important life principles and humor into his books and presentations.

"I remember waiting for my life to get easier," Andrew recalls about his early search for happiness. "I thought, 'When I have fewer problems, then I'll be happy!' Then I noticed something fascinating: the happiest people I knew had more problems than I did!"

People who seem to get the most out of life have often experienced very difficult times, he says, "They may have lost loved ones, gone broke, or maybe suffered major illnesses - and most likely they still have big problems! But they are happy because at some point they decided 'happy' is the only way to live."

Happiness is not an accident
What are the most important principles or concepts Andrew most wants to communicate to people? The first is that happiness is not an accident - it is a daily decision. The second is that happy people are flexible.

"Here's a recipe for permanent misery," he says. "People who struggle through life and are mostly miserable are the people who say, 'This is how my life should be -planes should arrive on time, employees shouldn't be sick, etc. and if any of that happens then I am going to be angry.' Whereas the alternative option is to say, 'I prefer my planes to arrive on time but if they don't, I am happy anyway.' Being flexible means that you say, 'My preference is that people don't tell lies but I understand that some people do tell lies, and if some people do tell lies, I accept that and am happy anyway.' "

Another important concept he teaches is that problems are not the end of things. "Problems are often a beginning and a catalyst towards progress."

Andrew ensures he applies his teachings to his own life, too. "It is important to live in the present," he says. "So often we are drawn into worrying about the future or feeling guilty about the past. Worry does not help at all, in fact it is harmful."

Another principle he follows is: There is only one way to enjoy whatever you do - do it the best you can! "Have a personal philosophy that encourages you to do whatever you are doing as best as you can."

Problem solving: break goals down into little pieces
One of the key lessons Andrew teaches is the idea of taking one bite at a time. "Whatever it is you are doing, break it up into little pieces. Successful people are not brilliant; but they have a plan and a system to accomplish their goals."

To illustrate this concept, he describes how he wrote one page of "Follow your Heart" each day until he had finished it. Another example of dividing goals into little pieces is related to his seminars, some of which he delivers in Mandarin. To do this he divides his standard seminar of 520 sentences and learns 2 sentences a day. "It looks like a long project, but it is only 2 sentences a day. It is important just to divide it up and say 'this all I have to do today. I don't have to do anything spectacular, but I have to do something to accomplish my goals.'"

Happiness Tip 1: SUPPORT YOURSELF!
Some people constantly criticize themselves. They say things like: "I'm fat." "I'm boring." There are two problems with criticizing yourself:

Firstly: You become what you think about. So when you criticize your own performance, it gets worse! Secondly: Criticizing yourself irritates other people. Self criticism is not humility, it's stupidity. Starting today, say only good things about you! If you have nothing good to say, say nothing!:

Happiness Tip 2: LOOK FOR GOOD THINGS!
Have you noticed that when we look for good things in situations - or people - we find them. When we look for bad things, we also find them.

If you go looking for faults in your job or your mother or your wife, you will find plenty. Some people spend their life looking for faults - and then they tell you, "I'm just being realistic!" It is not realistic! It is negative! Happy people continually ask themselves, "What is good about this situation?" Looking for good things is a key to happiness.

Happiness Tip 3: FORGIVING PEOPLE
Where do we get the idea that if we don't forgive people, they suffer? That's crazy! Let's say: a) You are my boss and you give me the sack, or b) You are my girlfriend and you run off with my best friend. So I say, "I'll never forgive you!" Who suffers? Not you! I will get the knot in my stomach.? I will lose the sleep. While you are probably out partying!

While I resent you, I suffer! Meanwhile I tell myself, "I'm right!" But being "right" doesn't guarantee happiness. Here's the point ... To forgive someone, you don't have to agree with what they did. a) You just have to want your life to work. You don't forgive people for their benefit. b) You do it for your benefit. c) Forgiving people may be tough, but it is possible. You forgive people for your benefit. It makes you happier.

Happiness Tip 4: COMPLIMENTS
Some people notice the beautiful view. Some people notice only the dirty window! Your happiness depends on what you DECIDE to notice. Here's an exercise:

Step 1: Look for one quality in every person you meet. Step 2: Give them a compliment ... "That is a stunning outfit!" "You are an inspiring teacher." "You have a beautiful smile!" Remember, a compliment is NOT flattery! Flattery is insincere. A compliment is sincere recognition of someone's qualities. And here's the bonus: To pay compliments, you have to focus on the positive aspects of others. So it makes YOU happier!

There are two ways to become happier, Andrew says: a) change the world, or b) change your thinking. It is easier to change your thinking!

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