A University Which Meets the Desires of Young People will Soon Open!

*Hiragana Times CIA(Cynically Insulting Agency)

March is graduation season in Japan. Some universities will not meet their quota for new students because the number of children in Japan is decreasing. Universities are now facing difficult times financially since they cannot receive subsidies from the government these years. Furthermore, the decline of students' academic ability is becoming an issue. Under these worrying circumstances, a sex industry-related company has secretly been planning to buy out a university and has already appointed a director to be the new president. CIA recently gained an interview ....

CIA: What kind of reform of the new regime are you going to make?

N.P: As you know, the number of students is decreasing rapidly. Unless we make radical reforms, it is going to continue to be difficult to recruit students, so we have decided to set up a game center in our university.

CIA: How come?

N.P: Many young people who were raised with video games don't come to university, but go to game centers instead. If we put a game center in the university, their attendance rate will surely increase and they will spend more money at university. It will kill two birds with one stone. Isn't this a good idea? After creating a game center we will make a cartoon library. We are also planning to provide sauna rooms so that students can take extracurricular activities.

CIA: Isn't university the place to offer education?

N.P: As you know, in Japan, students can automatically graduate once they enter university. They enjoy their university life. No students study after entering.

CIA: What teaching curriculum are you going to have?

N.P: Since we have tied up with a Zen temple, we don't have any curriculums.

CIA: What is this all about?

N.P: Cramming education that places emphasis on memorization is a big issue in Japan. Our university will take education in completely the opposite direction. As you know, when practicing Zen, you just sit and meditate and hopefully discover the meaning of life. So, instead of forcing students to cram, we let them sit in class and just meditate for four years. By operating like this, we can provide the lowest tuition fees since we can cut professors' expenses. As the students do not have to study, they will be very happy. In addition to this, students can enjoy time at the game center when they get tired of meditation. Isn't this an epoch-making idea?

CIA: How do you think their parents will react?

N.P: I believe they will be satisfied.

CIA: Why?

N.P: The students coming to our university won't have the will to work nor study. If they stay at home, what will happen to their mothers? The mothers will have to prepare meals and take care of their children everyday. They won't have much time to enjoy their lives. So the student' parents, especially their mothers, will be most happy. It will also be nice for the mothers to proudly say their son or daughter is attending university.

CIA: So, do you want to say that universities are taking a role of care center for young people? Universities are merely offering a play land environment while receiving money from students? On the contrary, the real education is carried out by the corporations that hire these students. They have to educate them while paying their salaries. Isn't this funny?

N.P: Our university is not like that. Fortunately our parent company is a sex-related business so the graduating students can easily get a job. All the games they will have played in university will become useful, and since many good part-time jobs are available for them, they won't need much support from their parents.

CIA: Well, we believe you will be criticized as your university is a training school for sex-industry workers.

N.P: Nonsense. Such a view is totally wrong. You see, some time ago all of the students who went to university were brilliant and the advancement rate into universities was only a few percent. How about now? The advancement rates into universities and colleges are nearly 50 percent. We are not going to train students to be sex- industry workers. Instead, we will train those who would otherwise have worked in the sex-industry to become university students. Our policy is to offer a suitable level of education to those students.

*Hiragana Times CIA(Cynically Insulting Agency)

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