Fruit or Flute?

Bob & Junko

It all began for Bob and Junko back in 1993. “Cupid’s arrow hit its mark,” says Bob about how the couple met through a Canadian friend at a home party in the cramped quarters of his small apartment in Nishinomiya, Hyougo prefecture. This somewhat fatalistic happening culminated in their marriage in August the following year.

Bob is an English teacher currently at Kansai University 1st Junior/Senior High School, and his wife Junko is an Office Manager for an Austrian Company. They have two daughters, Yuka (18), and Jenny (10).

In the beginning he said it was hard because his Japanese wasn’t great, and nor was Junko able to effectively voice her thoughts. Arguments were always to her disadvantage as they took place in English but they went into their relationship aware of the linguistic challenges, and Bob maintains that a sense of humor goes a long way, “especially when you are trying to hear the difference between ‘fruit’ and ‘flute.’”

This comical misinterpretation took place one morning at the family dining table when Junko announced to the clan that she wished to play the flute as a new hobby. Bob thought she had asked him to pass the fruit and accordingly did so. The children were the first to laugh when they realized the blunder, but Bob remained unaware. Junko then with a hint of anger iterated “I didn’t say fruit, I said flute.” That subtle misunderstanding has been a family joke for years.

Bob says that one of the problems experienced in inter-cultural relationships is the difficulty and isolation children can face in terms of which language to use and in which environment. He spoke of his older daughter’s “periods of rejection.”

Their younger daughter Jenny was raised with English as her first language as opposed to her elder sibling, and did not speak Japanese until she entered kindergarten. She addresses her mother using Japanese, and her father in English, something commonly done in cross-cultural families.

Bob has taken his wife’s advice about how to raise the children to a great extent, and gives insightful advice, “I just left Yuka alone (when she was going through difficult times), and let her decide when she wanted to amalgamate the two cultures. All young people must have their freedom to explore and find out for themselves what is true. It is up to us parents to just observe and leave them alone.”

When asked about the key to maintaining a successful marriage, Bob says he believes that “total commitment and the sense of love and respect for the other” is paramount. He and Junko have been married 15 years and despite hard times continue to feel their love grow day by day.

Bob’s English School
www.topten-eikaiwa-school.com