International Marriage
International Marriage
It was not love at first sight
Nobue& Steven
"I noticed there was something special about Nobue the first time I met her, but it was not love at first sight," says Steven, an American working at a research company in Tokyo, who met Nobue - now his wife - in May 2004 at a graduate school alumni party in Tokyo.
"Nobue had already told her mother a lot about me, but she didn't tell her father anything about me until 2 hours before I showed up on their doorstep!" Steven recalls about the first time he met Nobue's parents last October. "Obviously, her father was a bit surprised, and I was naturally quite nervous about the situation too," he says. "But after we all talked for a couple of hours, I think we were all more comfortable with the situation."
Was it difficult for the couple to decide to live in Japan? Nobue says problems she expected never materialized. "Since I studied and worked in the U.S., I expected a type of reverse culture shock in Japan, especially as a working woman. But there have been no problems and I have never faced any of the difficulties I expected as a working woman here."
However, when families are considered, things often become difficult. Nobue's parents were worried about their daughter moving away from Japan and Steven's parents expressed similar concerns. To help ease this stress, Nobue, a keen entrepreneur, plans to expand her businesses, where she is the CEO, to her hometown and build her business so that she can go back and forth between Tokyo, Aichi, and America in the future whenever she wants. "That can be one solution for us to be close to both of our parents," she says.
Nobue says support is a highlight. "I was very unstable at the first stage of establishing my own company. Steven always listened to my stories and held me tightly. That was the time I appreciated him so much. Without him, I could not have gotten over those difficulties."
Planning for the future has also been an issue. "I'm sure this happens to a lot of couples, including those that are not international, but since we are from different countries, planning where we will go and what we will do in the future has been quite complicated. We speak about it often, but our plans are constantly changing!" Nobue says "respect" is the most important thing when dealing with cultural differences and problems. "With respect, most of the difficulties can be overcome."
"Every day with Nobue is fun," Steven says, "but the highlights have generally occurred during our trips away together, for example, when we watched a thunderstorm approach from the top of a 5,000 ft mesa in Canyon Lands National Park in Utah." Nobue says that one of the strangest things to ever happen to them was when the couple attended Nobue's friend's wedding in India. "I wore a kimono and Steven wore a yukata. The ceremony was huge with over 800 people. We received so much attention, and we felt like honored guests! It was especially funny to see people react to us. They were so surprised to see Steven wearing a Japanese yukata."
Nobue says that international marriages can be very difficult especially when parents become sick and the children want to take care of them. "Distance from parents can be a problem for many couples. However, there are so many good things about mixed relationships too - you can expand your perspectives and make your life a lot more fun with a partner who has a different background. It is amazing!"
