French-Brazilian & Japanese Couple Communicate in English, but ...

Jean & Yuri

Like many foreigners, Jean found the attraction of Japanese culture too strong. The French-Brazilian first visited Japan in October 2001 to quench his thirst for Japanese cinema, manga, and general culture - but he got far more than he bargained for!

When Jean visited a nightspot in Tokyo's foreigner-friendly party town of Roppongi one Saturday night during his visit, he met Yuri, a woman who would later become his wife. The pair met again for dinner, and after three more dates, they made a decision to meet again in France after he returned. Yuri then visited Jean in Paris in December, then, two months later, he went to Japan where he met Yuri's family before she packed her bags and moved to France the following month to be with him.

The couple lived in Paris for four years where they had an apartment and Jean had a good job. "But we couldn't imagine having children in Paris, because there are too many problems and not enough security," Jean says. After getting married in April 2004 and spending a year discussing their future, they finally decided to leave France and try to build a family in Tokyo.

After the couple moved to Japan in 2006, the main problem was Jean finding a job. "I'm not a perfect Japanese speaker, and in France, I worked as a TV technician. It's not so easy to find something like that in Japan, especially for a person with my background. After five months, the problem remained." Even though his Japanese kept improving and Yuri quickly found a good position, they were not able to live on their own, so they decided to stay with her family until Jean could find a serious job. Jean initially intended to teach French. "But most of my students wanted to learn English, so I am mainly an English instructor now."

To overcome difficulties like this, Jean says it is important for a couple to understand each other, and to always be ready to help and support each other. "We are from different cultures, so we have to think twice in every situation."

While most international couples only have two languages on their radar screens, Jean and Yuri have three. "Another problem," Jean says, "was that when we met, we had to speak in English. But we both wanted to cut off this foreign language. So when we lived in France, Yuri started from the very beginning to learn French. We spoke in English for less than a year. Now, she works and it's my turn to learn her language and build a new career."

What is the best aspect about being in an international relationship? "It is that if we learn a new way of life, a new culture, it helps us a lot to understand our own culture too," Jean says. "When I discovered Japan and her culture, I could compare, think, and realize that there are many ways to do the same thing all over the world."

What advice can the couple give to readers about relationships like theirs? "There is a solution to every problem. Also, being with someone from another culture can be quite dangerous. It's always very charming to discover somebody who is different both physically and mentally. But it's necessary to be mind-opened, tolerant, and very patient in order to make it work."