“You better be careful with this guy.”

Both admit that when they first encountered each other at a meeting of the Australia-Japan Society in Melbourne in June, 1998, sparks didn’t exactly fly. Back then Paul was finishing up his MBA degree and came to the meeting to practice his Japanese. He remembers that Manami was “interesting” and had a cheerful smile, but that was about it. Manami, for her part, was working as a waitress at a Japanese restaurant and trying to save money for a travel stint. She thought Paul was good-looking, but sensed that he had come to the meeting with more than just “conversational exchange” on his mind.

Despite her concerns, she gave him her phone number and email address afterwards, and he contacted her the next day to ask her out to a movie. Before they met Manami recalls being very nervous. She had never gone out with a foreigner before. Her Japanese friend warned her, “You better be careful with this guy.”

To her surprise, however, Paul turned out to be a sincere gentleman, treating her to ladies-first service. On their second date he even cooked her a pasta dinner. This went on for a few weeks, and then Paul had to leave for Tokyo to participate in a business competition. Suddenly, the couple realized they missed each other after being apart, and emailed and called each other frequently. “That sort of strengthened our relationship,” says Paul.

After Manami returned to her nursing job in Kyoto, her hometown, the two continued their long-distance relationship. When Paul’s work-study visa started to run out, the couple realized it was crunch time and decided to tie the knot. No formal marriage proposal was necessary. “It was a gradual thing I guess,” explains Paul, who now works as a financial manager in Shibuya. “It just happened.” Parental acceptance came easily for both sides. Manami says that after her parents met Paul and were able to see he could speak Japanese and use chopsticks and was a gentle person, they were “immediately relieved” she says.

Since they’ve been married, however, Paul’s gentle nature has come to be something of a blessing and a curse for Manami. Although she says Paul is very helpful around the house and does well to take care of their two young sons, Sean and Kane, she has to tell him what to do all the time. “If I didn’t say anything, Paul would probably spend the whole time lying down in front of the TV or checking email on the computer,” she says. Paul says that Manami likes to be in charge around the house and insists that things be done her way. For example, she has told him many times that when he washes the next set of dishes, the ones that are dry should be put away first because otherwise they’ll get wet. Yet he always forgets to do that. “She’ll say, ‘I’ve told you this so many times!’ ” Paul says with a laugh.

Could this be a case of (international) marriage bliss? Not really. Paul and Manami both say that international marriage can be difficult at times. Manami recalls that she went to the hospital one day, filled out the forms with her new last name in katakana, and when the doctor called her in he asked, “Are you Japanese? Do you understand Japanese?” At the bank, when her name “Butler-sama” is called out, everyone turns their heads. And then there are the neighbors, most of them older residents, who all know that there is a foreigner living in the neighborhood and seem to know everything that happens with the couple, good or bad.

Both say they have gotten used to these kinds of things. But their toughest challenge, they admit, is simply communication. “The key to international marriage is not that complex,” says Paul. “Like any marriage, communication is the key ingredient to make it successful. I think we’ve been luckier than most international couples since I was fairly competent in Japanese and had lived in Japan for a few years before we met, so we could communicate in Japanese. But it still requires patience and a willingness to listen for both of us.”