International Marriage
International Marriage
Marriage Bloomed from International Party
International parties have been popular for years, but how many people meet up at these events, hook up, and actually get married? The numbers are small but that’s what happened to Cecil, a first generation U.S. citizen with Caribbean and Panamanian roots, and Maiko when they met at a Hiragana Times party in late
2003. The two met again and began dating a few months later.
“When I first met Maiko’s parents, I had no idea that I was the first guy that she had ever brought home in her life!” Cecil recalls. “Thus, I was not aware of the significance of meeting the parents in Japan and the possible future implications concerning marriage. However, I was respected and could be myself,” he says. Maiko says her parents had never met a foreigner before they met Cecil, so they were very nervous, but quickly came to like him.
Cecil’s hopes to create a good first impression didn’t quite go as planned when he humbly handed a souvenir to Maiko’s parents. Since he couldn’t read all the kanji, he didn’t recognize the words ‘Don Quixote’ (the super discount store) written on the bag. “I thought he was pretending it was an expensive cookie and my mother laughed,” Maiko says.
“When my father made a joke over dinner using two very similar words, ‘ika (squid) wa, ikaga (how is it?),’ Cecil replied ‘samui, samui, heater o tsukete kudasai’ (‘it is cold so please turn the heater on,’ or indirectly, ‘your joke is not good, please make it hotter’),” Maiko says. “My father said you are very cleaver.”
“The difficult thing for him about living in Japan is establishing his career,” Maiko says. “Sometimes he is not trusted as a foreigner. For example, when he was trying to contact a real estate agency he was refused when they saw his face,” she says.
How are they overcoming the challenges they face and building their future? “We must be prepared to earn enough money to raise a family not only in Japan but overseas, so we have to work locally but develop our careers for the global market,” Cecil says. Maiko adds, “The solution to many problems is simply to talk. It is sometimes hard work, but this is a very important process because if we ignore the problems, the misunderstandings between us will pile up.”
“Like the best selling book ‘My Darling is a Foreigner,’ funny and difficult things are happening to us every day,” Maiko says about their relationship. “Cecil has no intention to live in Japan forever and I cannot imagine where we will be in 10 years time. Although adventure is exciting, it is true that I seek stability. It is necessary to enjoy new and unpredictable things in international relationships.”
What general advice can the couple give to readers regarding international relationships? “At the end of the day you are not living with a Japanese person, or a black person — you are just living with a human being. So use that as a starting point,” Cecil advises. Maiko says, “Before customs and cultures, the most important thing to do is to respect each other as human beings, then you should learn your partner’s culture and background and try to make an effort to understand them.”
