Couple Overcoming Against All Odds

American Rhonda CULVER worked at Yokota Air Force Base in Tokyo nearly 20 years ago. “After living at Yokota for four years I needed to decide whether or not I would stay or go back to the U.S.,” Rhonda recalls. “So, to aid my decision I went back to New York to visit my father.”

“My father’s hobby is flying private airplanes. While home, we went to the airport to fly and the pilot teacher, who is also a friend, asked me if I would deliver a card to a friend in Tokyo when I went back. At that time my father exclaimed ‘Oh Hiroo! I had forgotten about him.’ After returning to Japan I called Hiroo, who was very surprised and we agreed to meet the following day,” she explains.

Before long, the pair began dating. “We have been very lucky on both sides,” she says. “Hiroo’s mother was only interested in him getting married and so she didn’t care who it was too. My father of course was very happy for us both.”

After the couple decided to get married, Hiroo didn’t quite know how to break the news to his family. “During Golden Week he would visit his family and his sister, who knew nothing about our relationship, would have blind dates lined up for him with Japanese women. Hiroo told me what was going on and I would be furious the entire week,” Rhonda says. One weekend, the sister decided to visit Hiroo in Tokyo. “At the time I had nearly finished moving in but I had to move everything back out and stay with a friend. Again I wasn’t too happy about the situation,” says Rhonda.

“Well his sister came into the apartment, looked at her brother and said ‘Hiroo, this place is too clean and smells like a woman’s apartment. What’s going on?’ So he finally confessed that he and I were getting married. His sister instantly called her mother who called everyone — her mother was so happy.”

Apart from the usual difficulties facing international couples, such as language and settling in, Rhonda and Hiroo faced another major challenge. “First of all, while I lived at Yokota, I adopted a Japanese girl,” Rhonda says. “When I met Hiroo, my daughter was 2, so when he decided to marry me he had to deal with a foreign wife with an adopted Japanese daughter, Ai. He of course adopted her as his child right away, but as my daughter of course looks 100% Japanese, most people think that she is his daughter,” Rhonda says.

“Having our own family is also a story in itself,” she says. “I became pregnant 12 times which all resulted in tubular pregnancies. After the last one the doctors removed the last tube saying that I was playing Russian roulette with my body. The doctor suggested that we try invetro fertilization. We were lucky enough to be referred to a clinic in Ogikubo and after two attempts we were successful in getting our son Hiroki.”

“Remember that your country’s way of doing things are not always right,” Rhonda says regarding advice for readers who are considering starting, or are already in, an international relationship. “The Japanese system has worked well here for thousands of years and although sometimes it seems unreasonable, your country’s ways may not improve the situation. Most of all, compromise. Don’t be
afraid to talk about your feelings and needs. If talking is difficult write each other a letter.” she advises.