International Marriage
International Marriage
Parents First Met On Couple’s Wedding Day!
Chris’ story of how he met his future bride in a college dormitory in America began after his first trip to Japan in 1994 as an exchange student during his undergraduate studies.
“It was when I had just returned to the U.S. from Japan prior to starting graduate school,” Chris explains. “I wanted to continue practicing my Japanese with someone who was close by. Of course, what guy really wants to practice his Japanese with another guy? So I looked in the MIT (Massachusetts Institute of Technology) directory for any Japanese woman living in the same dormitory. I found Aiko, called her and made up a story about how I had heard that an attractive Japanese beauty was living in my dormitory and wanted to know if she would like to meet me and talk about Japan and school, and so on. Lucky for me, she too was looking to make some more friends and talk about the frustration of living abroad.”
But it wasn’t all going to be smooth sailing. “We began seeing more and more of each other,” Chris recalls. “As graduation came I was already prepared to return to Japan to work for IBM. Aiko on the other hand wanted to remain in the U.S. and work, so I figured I would probably not see her anytime again soon.” But not too many months later, Aiko sent Chris a note saying she was returning to Japan. “It didn’t take us long to start again where we left off, and a year later, in March, 1999, we decided to get married,” Chris says.
Breaking all cultural traditions, both sets of parents first met when they heard their children say “I do” on the wedding day. “We kept the event simple and got married in Hawaii with just close friends and family attending,” Chris says. “Even so, it was a bit hectic as it was Aiko’s fathers first time to ever travel abroad. It was also the first time that both our families had ever met.”
How did they react? “I think her family felt a bit overwhelmed and outnumbered by my large family,” he says. “But even with the obvious language barriers, everyone seemed to have a great time. I think it was helpful that my family can get pretty crazy when there is lots of food and dancing,” he says with a laugh. Aiko says “It was really lucky for me that Chris’ family seemed to like me right then. They were so nice and even gave a big hug to the strange girl they had just met for the first time.”
After living in Japan for nearly seven years, Chris has some good advice for foreigners to help overcome difficulties in a new country. “You should quickly meet others who have already experienced living in Japan,” he says. “These people often become an invaluable source of information. Meeting them is often not all that difficult as there is usually some sort of social interest group that can be found on the Internet or in local magazines,” he says.
Mastering Japanese is an obvious but very often overlooked way to help alleviate a lot of problems, Chris says. “I soon realised that being able to speak the language made a huge difference,” he says. Why? “Not being able to speak Japanese limits your freedom and you tend to rely too much on others.”
“One of the highlights could also be one of the lowlights,” Aiko says. “Learning to accept and deal with differences in culture, beliefs, way of doing things, is a valuable skill, but one that also carries with it lots of stress, anger, and frustration from both sides.” This is true not just for husband and wife, but also parents of the husband and wife. “Sometimes these differences have led to arguments that might have never occurred in a marriage between couples with the same background,” she says.
“Patience, understanding, and a high level of tolerance are a must,” they say. “A willingness to allow your partner to express themselves as they are used to and not always force them to adhere to your culture is also helpful.”
