International Marriage
International Marriage
Switching Borders
Stories of long distance love often start with people meeting the love of their lives in a foreign land, and then having to endure a long distance relationship after going back to their own countries.
The story between Bradley LOBUE and Mayumi AKUTSU begins with just that, but continues on in a way that most long distance relationships don’t go through — where it’s the American living in Japan and teaching English, while the Japanese lady lives in the United States, and teaches Japanese!
Originally from Hammond, Louisiana, Bradley came to Japan last April to teach English in Koriyama-shi in Fukushima. Mayumi on the other hand, has lived in Eugene, Oregon for seven years to study Psychology in the University of Oregon. Still living in Oregon to finish her masters in Japanese Education, she also teaches Japanese to students in the same university.
Their love story began when Brad walked into a small store and started a friendly conversation with the store’s owner, who turned out to be Mayumi’s mother. Mayumi’s mother was more than happy to help Bradley know a little bit more about the city, and to also introduce him to her daughter who was going to visit her from the States. From the Saturday they first met, the rest could be called history but long distance love is never as smooth sailing as everyone wishes it to be.
Because of their long distance relationship, “The only way we can communicate is through e-mail or phone calls,” Bradley says. “Those are not the best ways to communicate. We can easily misunderstand or misinterpret what the other person says just by the misuse of words and/or the other persons’ tone of voice. Of course, it’s always better to talk face to face for some issues, but we have no choice but to communicate by e-mail or phone.” For Mayumi, “Brad being a ‘gentleman’ in a Western sense makes me feel jealous sometimes. Japanese
women can sometimes misinterpret the behavior of Western men as him being more than ‘nice and kind.’ (Also) I have to be an interpreter for him when we have my friends or family around. I don’t care about being an interpreter, but it would be better if he and my family could communicate directly, either in English or Japanese.”
How have they kept their relationship strong despite all these difficulties? “The best way is to try to express what you want to say or mean, very clearly,” Mayumi says. “If you think you don’t get it or if you don’t understand what he says, then just ask him and make sure that you understand what he is saying before you misinterpret and get upset about it.” Mayumi refreshingly points out that it’s best to just, “Try to understand each other’s culture more. When you see the differences, don’t take it negatively as if ‘there’s a gap between us,’ but instead take it more positively and say, ‘I just found out something new about him!’ ”
Being in an international relationship, the difference in culture and language has provided each of them a whole new world to discover! Aside from being each other’s language teachers, “learning about each other doesn’t only mean learning about the person, but also learning about the culture he/she brings into the relationship.”
Living in different countries is one sacrifice that may soon be over after Brad’s contract in Japan ends and Mayumi finishes her Masters course in the U.S. Whether it’ll be a life in Japan or in the U.S. as they plan, life as in international couple will definitely be a challenge and a gift for them and to anyone else who makes the choice to look beyond the borders of cultural differences.
